We get it—Santa is fat. Here are ten songs that belabor the point.
1. Gene Autry – "He's a Chubby Little Fellow" (1949)
This good-natured song about Santa is a welcome relief from some of the mean-spirited tunes that follow.
2. Jimmy Boyd – "Santa Got Stuck in the Chimney" (1953)When Santa gets stuck in the chimney, he has to threaten the children with loss of toys to get them to come to his rescue.
3. Sunshine Ruby – "Too Fat for the Chimney" (1953)
"Too Fat for the Chimney," for whatever reason, is the most widely recorded fat Santa song of them all. Country music kid singer Sunshine Ruby recorded it in 1953, and Teresa Brewer and Jerry Colonna recorded it that same year for the pop field. Gisele MacKenzie revived it in 1957. The song expresses doubt that Santa will be able to perform his occupational duties on account of his excessive girth.
4. Bill Darnell & The Smith Brothers – "Too Fat to Be Santa Claus" (1954)
This faux-Calypso tune describes the anguish of a man who would like to dress up as Santa for Christmas but is too fat to portray a character who—these other songs assert—is already too fat.
5. Leslie Uggams – "The Fat Fat Man (With the White White Beard)" (1954)
Leslie Uggams recorded this pretty annoying song when she was about 11 years old. The song has an upbeat message but emphasizes Santa's morbid obesity with its repetition of the word "fat."
6. The Pixies with Thurl Ravenscroft – "Santa's Too Fat for the Hula Hoop" (1958)
An entry in the hula-hoop song craze of 1958-59 (which The Music Weird previously covered in depth here), this novelty features the late, great Thurl Ravenscroft, commonly known as the voice of the Grinch and Tony the Tiger. The song describes Santa's inability to use a hula hoop, and—bringing to mind the proverbial phrase about the glass being half full or half empty—concludes that the problem isn't a too-small hula hoop but a too-fat Santa.
7. Rudolph & the Gang – "Here Comes Fatty Clause" [sic] (1984)This crude novelty was included on the 2004 compilation A John Waters Christmas, which corrected the misspelling in the song title that can be seen below on the original single's label. The B-side, "Comink Zee Clauski Fattnik," offers more of the same.
8. Insane Clown Posse – "Santa's a Fat Bitch" (1997)I had a hard time following exactly what this dystopian Christmas song is about, but whatever it is, it's not pretty.
9. The Producers – "Too Fat to Fit" (2003)
Taken from the album Broadway's Greatest Gifts: Carols for a Cure, Volume V. In this song, a group of helpful men offer Santa dietary advice. The song's most alarming disclosure is that Santa has eaten an elf.